"Are you Rod's sister?"
"No, Sugar Mama. My name is Minerva and I'm Tristan's friend. It's nice to meet you."
This is the greeting Sugar Mama and I exchange every time I go over to my friend Tristan's home. Rod is her husband and we do have some physical similarities, so the connection makes sense. Sugar Mama has been living with dementia for a while now, and every time we see each other it's another opportunity to meet for the first time. I have met Sugar Mama many times now and each time her face lights up and she says "Well, you sure are pretty, honey!"
When I started taking photos again I knew that I wanted to photograph Sugar Mama, so when Tristan approached me and asked if I'd be willing to take some portraits, I happily agreed. Tristan's brother would be in town so she wanted to get some photos of Sugar Mama with her son and also with her grandson, Tristan's son Brennan.
Sometimes Sugar Mama has really good days and some days she has really bad ones. Through it all, Tristan is there as a caregiver bearing the weight of it all. It's this care and love that helps to ground Sugar Mama, but dementia isn't kind. Sometimes it can get really hard.
Sugar Mama will sometimes forget where she is and what is going on but one person always brings her back to the present: her grandson Brennan. The love between them is palpable and you can tell they are kindred spirits who are up to no good in the best way possible.
During the photoshoot there were times where I could clearly see Sugar Mama fade away into her mind for a few seconds only to be grounded back in the present as soon as she caught sight of Brennan. I could literally see the life spark back into her eyes behind my lens. It was a beautiful, surreal thing to visibly see the love for her grandson bring her back from the recesses of her mind.
I believe we should be photographing our elders more than we currently do. We love photographing smooth skin, ideal bodies, thick strands of hair. Isn't there beauty in aging too? I have always loved how our eyes always remain young. They don't ever age and they are windows into a life long lived. The wrinkles that form around them reminding us that we have had the privilege to grow old when we look in the mirror. The memories that are written into the very canvas of our skin even when our minds may no longer be able to remember.
Thank you so much for letting me capture these moments of love, Tristan. I hope y'all can always look back at these photos and remember how much love and there is in these relationships.
